Are you compromising too much of yourself? Do you sometimes feel like you’re just settling for whatever comes your way? The truth is, we become what we tolerate. We become so bogged down in the constraints that society imposes on us that we forget to be our true selves. In this blog post, I’ll share how you can go against the status quo and start living life on your own terms.


Warning! It’s not always easy. In fact, choosing to be authentically you can be a little like childbirth; it’s painful. It’s messy. But after you put in the time and effort, you will have something truly extraordinary. So, if you’re ready to stop trying to please everyone and embrace your most authentic self, this guide is for you!


Step 1: Say No the Status Quo

The status quo is whatever keeps you from reaching your true potential.

  1. We've all suffered because of it. The more we give in to the false ideas about what life should and should not be like, it keeps us from stepping out into the greatness you were really designed for.

  2. The moment we stop playing along and start listening to who it is we are…that's when real success comes. Not at that later date, not when you retire, but TODAY, every day.

  3. Remember this on your journey: Rules are meant to be broken. They're meant to be changed.



Step 2: Tap into the Power of Choice

We all have the power of choice, even if we don’t always feel like we do.

  1. Decide, first and foremost, that you’re ready to take small steps toward a more authentic you.

  2. Give yourself permission to keep moving forward and stand your ground, no matter what you’ve been told or have been taught to believe.

  3. Remember: You do not have to have compromise your joy.


Step 3: Let Go of What You Used to Tolerate

What are you tolerating in life that isn't serving you?

  1. Step back and give yourself permission to figure out what's no longer serving you.

  2. How can you let go of some of the rules that hold you back?

  3. Remember: True success doesn't come from following the rules. At least not in the way you've been told. It's time to stop compromising with yourself.


Step 4: Ask the Questions

You may wake up one morning and choose to become your most authentic self. Congratulations! But it doesn’t end there.

  1. Ask yourself the right questions to really understand who you are.

  2. Here are some questions to help you get started and understand your “why”:


  1. Why do you get fired up about certain things?
  2. Why do you love what you do?
  3. Why do you feel like you want to do these things?
  4. What is your purpose?
  5. What are your gifts?
  6. What are your talents?
  7. What are the gifts that are unique to you?
  8. What is it about life that inspires you?
  9. What brings you joy? Like absolute true, unadulterated joy?
  10. What is it you want more of in your life?
  11. What do you want to do? Why do you want to do it?
  12. Who are you?
  13. What is your “why”?


  1. PS: It's okay if you sit down and nothing comes at first. It may take a couple of days to really find the answers. Don't rush yourself.


Step 5: Prioritize Your “Why”

Now the work begins. Whatever your goal or “why” is, make it a priority and stand your ground.

  1. If your journey is anything like mine, you're going to run into some stumbling blocks.

  2. There will be a few setbacks. There will be detours on the path. Sometimes those obstacles are things, projects, or people; all of them can be in your way. That's just part of the process.

  3. Remember: You are strong enough to move past them.


Step 6: How to Live Life on Your Own Terms

You are unique. You are different. You are special and your life should reflect your personal level of individuality!


  1. The real question here is: What do you want your life to look like? Not to your mother, not to your best friend, not to your boss, not to anyone else. What does life look like to YOU?

  2. It takes courage to design a life on your own terms.

  3. Remember: Happiness, joy, true life comes from making the choice to live on your terms for yourself. No matter what the naysayers think.


Step 7: Live a Life of Purpose

Finally, identify a landmark or goal that you see as a successful endpoint for becoming authentically you. Having an end in mind is powerful.

  1. Aim for a time when you feel confident and empowered to stand strong.

  2. We become what we believe. So instead of allowing yourself to believe something that truly does not serve you and that constantly threatens to hold you back, make a courageous, inspired choice to stand up for yourself.

  3. Remember: When we understand that we have the power to choose the direction our life goes, that is when we have the intentional advantage.

Need more inspiration?

In “On Purpose,” I offer these daily choices to make each day better than the next:


Tanya’s Truths to Move You Forward:

  1. When I look at my past, I can see that I’m stronger than I ever realized.

  2. When I am honest with myself, I can change my perspective.


Adapted from Episode # 233 of the Intentional Advantage podcast